Friday 13 December 2013

This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- Karen Hauer is a chronic overactor and should probably not be entrusted with any more VT-type responsibilities.
- Since Ashley never got a 10, he is now obligated to eat a bag of sequins.
- Ashley thinks that scoring 35 for five weeks on the trot shows a lack of imagination on the part of the judges.
- Ashley got in trouble for calling this show on its nonsense so is keeping his mouth shut about the swingamajig, but let's just say he wasn't best impressed.
- The pro challenge is more about “the pleasure of dance” than the challenge itself for Pasha.
- Pasha scored 37 with no disqualifications (mostly because he took his sweet time) and is at the bottom of the leaderboard. Apparently this is not the first time he’s been beaten by a girl. *raises eyebrow at Janette*
- Bruno thinks Patrick ended up in the Dread Dance Off because we (say it with me now) “thought he was safe”.
- Patrick has “hit all of [his] goals” on the show and anything now is a bonus. Hang on, didn’t he want to be the oldest man to win not all that long ago?
- Patrick has the joint highest male rumba score ever.  His 'delight' at this seems somewhat sarcastic.
- Natalie Lowe is DANCING AGAIN. Hooray! We’ve missed her head rolls so much.
- The competitive foxtrot doesn’t have any trotting steps in it. Presumably it doesn’t have any foxes either.
- Karen Hauer is very surprised that Anton is at the top of the drunken sailor leaderboard. So are we.
- He’s still there too - Karen scored 68 with no disqualifications, putting her in third place.
- The last couple to be declared safe before the Dread Dance Off can never really be happy about it, because it means someone else is in the Dread Dance Off.
- Artem was never told that 40 per cent of the paso needed to be in hold, and TOTALLY WOULD’VE DONE THAT IF ONLY HE KNEW.
- Artem likes wearing his cape like a skirt.
- Artem thinks 'You Gotta Be Starting Something' is a tribute to vegetables.
- Ian’s ankles aren’t loose enough to charleston properly.
- Sophie can go down further than Zoe.
- Artem is deliberately doing 'separate' choreography.  Prepare for Dummy Dance 2!
- Artem scored 48 with no disqualifications in the pro challenge. You guys, Anton might actually win this.
- Lisa the head make-up artist has 115 make-up brushes all by herself. Egad.
- Ian Waite wants to see Sophie use more facial expressions.
- Kevin and Janette were also surprised at Anton topping the pro challenge leaderboard.
- Kevin made a lot of worrying noises during the drunken sailor pro challenge, to the point that we think we now know what his sex face looks like.
- Still, it was worth it - he scored 79 with two disqualifications, leaving him with a leaderboard-topping score of 77 and a world record. The final competitor, Janette, scored 77 with 14 disqualifications, leaving her with a total of 63. (James, Ola, Robin, Kristina, and Anya apparently did not compete, for whatever reason.)
- The Guinness World Records woman has been taken lessons in maths from the Apprentice (Kevin gave 110%)
- The other pro dancers think Aljaž is the best looking one.
- Every time Aljaž lifts Abbey, “a noise comes out of her”. Hopefully not a fart.
- The two things Zoe gets asked the most often in the supermarket are “is Pasha single?” and “how good are the costumes?” The second one’s more of a rhetorical question, and the first one would probably happen a lot less if I just left Zoe alone to get on with her shopping. Sorry Zoe.
- Denim is “not really Strictly”.
- Natalie has a very tiny waist.
- Robin wears the most fake tan of all the pros, although Kevin has to have the most layers applied on a regular basis because he’s so pale. Must be all that Grimsby air. Also, Aljaž was voted the best-looking pro.
- Kevin’s MJ-lean went a lot better in rehearsals, but luckily Susanna noticed it had gone wrong and ran distraction tactics. This is almost as good as when Alesha invested half of her paso on the spot.
- Susanna enjoys the occasional micro-sleep in training.
- Abbey got Peter and his friends to vote for her five times each last week.
- Aljaž thinks Abbey hasn’t had a “bad week” in the competition, because she gets better every time.
- Abbey did not take Len up on the invitation for a private consolation in his dressing room. Smart girl.
- Abbey’s mind went blank during the swingathon. (Insert joke about models here.)
- Abbey didn’t think she’d ever get far enough in the competition that she’d have to worry about doing the samba.
- Lucky the seemingly all-knowing predictive pup thinks Abbey will be top of the leaderboard this week. Unfortunately Abbey has not been paying attention to the pup prediction part of the show, and though he was predicting her to go home.
- Janette’s favourite dance of the series was Susanna and Kevin’s waltz.
- Greg the floor manager had a baby this week. Aww.
- Chris Hollins’s most memorable post-competition moment was seeing Ola get paired with Paul Daniels.
- Louis Smith much prefers not dancing to dancing as if we hadn't figured that out last year.
- Susanna is a total Strictly superfan and used to bug Hobbitsy Hollins by always talking about it.
- Chelsee Healey wants Abbey to win. Chris Parker wants Patrick. Louis Smith wants Natalie. Chris Hollins wants Susanna. OMG ANTI-SOPHIE CONSPIRACY.
- Chris Hollins wants Patrick to make the final because it wouldn’t be a final if it was all girls. #everydaysexism
- Chelsee is not a huge fan of Prokofiev but she "likes his songs". Oh Chelsee.

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